Lone Wolf

It's hard to ever feel a part of anything when so many times people come and go, and sometimes when they go they never come back. 

There are people who can take so much from you - your hopes, your trust, your spirit, everything that you are. And then there are people who give you so much more than you'd ever expect. 

Yet for all the happiness that one person or more may give you, it's only you at the end of the day. It's your heart and mind that you are responsible for and to look towards others for your sense of worth is a pointless desire. 

Imagine if you loved yourself so much that you could go solo without any acceptance from others, that you could be such an unstoppable force in a world full of people seeking love and approval from anyone and everyone. To be like that is so rare. 

You can always be a part of a pack but you will only ever have yourself. 

Don't follow others. 

Be a lone wolf. 

Be yourself.

F x

Life

Why can't it be the dreams we have, the things we desire, the hopes we carry....

I don't think life is meant to be easy and without throwing yourself in to a challenge you can't progress. It's easy to stay, or easy to go back to old and safe ways but it won't achieve the change that you crave. Of course it's lonely, horrible and scary as hell but if you ride it out you never know what might happen next.

You can keep your dreams as long as you accept that you need to work hard to be where you want to be.

Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind....

F x

The Signs

Well. I moved out of my parent's yesterday and I am now here in a whole new place. I am mixed up and feeling all kinds of nerves, fear and excitement. I am definitely out of my comfort zone yet I know I have to try. This is the change I need to figure out who I am and what I want. Most of all it's about time I learned to look after myself without the help of others. This is a challenge for me and as much as I hate being alone and away from the people I love, I have some faith that this is the right move for me.

I like to believe in fate and things happening for a reason. There have been several signs I have noticed about this move that brings comfort to the part of me that thinks I am doing the right thing. These are the signs so far....

• I moved out on 4th July - Independence Day.
• I will be working at the University of Nottingham, a place where I found out after I got the job will also be my friend's wedding venue in October.
• My friend also studied on the same campus I will be based on.
• Before I interviewed for the job I spotted a book in the library of Chatsworth House called 'Chinese Studies' - The department I will be working for is the School of Contemporary Chinese.
• The street next to me has "Dagmar" in the name. My next door neighbour from home is called Dagmar.
• One of the girls that I share with has a running club. I intended to join a running club when I started looking to move to the area.
• In the front room of the house I live in there are  4 bottles of hot sauce. I have the exact same ones back at my parent's house.
• One of my housemates studied at Cambridge - the same University my Dad and brother went to.
• Paramore's song "Ain't it Fun" about being on your own came on as I walked about yesterday exploring my new home and feeling emotional.
• When I went for my first food shop they were giving away free cake. That can only mean good things...

It may all be nonsense and coincidence and I could be making a huge mistake....I guess I will just have to wait and see.

F x