I move in two weeks time to start my new job and I am still so nervous and anxious about what is about to happen. I have spent the weekend in London catching up with friends who are all so excited for me but I can't help but envy their current positions in life. They are financially comfortable and have great careers. I am only just beginning and unsure if I will ever have a well paid job, my own house and a partner - all those things the people surrounding me have. It's sending my anxiety wild, I keep going over how much time I have wasted. What I am doing now could have been done years ago. I try to remind myself that at least I am doing it, attempting a life of my own because at the end of the day what other option do I have? I am prone to going over and over the past, kicking myself over all the stupid stuff I have done, wondering why I allowed things to get so messed up. I feel unique to other people, sometimes I'm convinced I'm not normal because I dwell on things in such an extreme way. I can never relax and assure myself I am doing ok.
I want stability and to be able to look after myself without depending on anyone else but I am so worried I won't be able to.
What the hell am I doing??
F x
No comments:
Post a Comment