I have been in this position so many times that I should be used to it by now but it never hurts any less. Get them violins out because I am about to whinge...
For the umpteenth time I have been screwed over by a man. Sometimes you can get the impression they are a waste of time but not this guy - this one was a clever one because he'd definitely mastered the art of charm. He knew how to say all the right things and I classically and unsurprisingly fell for every single word of it.
After many disastrous dates with men I decided to go for someone older. I'd heard older men were more mature and not one for playing games. So willing to give anything a go I went for a guy 12 years older than I. I am 27, he was 39....and to be fair he looked pretty good for his age.
Of course the first warning sign there was why was he single? Shouldn't he be married with kids? I did briefly question this in the early days. He was such a nice, funny guy it seemed odd that he was looking for someone. He told me that he'd had relationships before, yet they never went to the next level. I suppose that was when I should have considered he was scared of commitment but I never did.
You see his other clever tactic was telling me how much he was sick of being single and that he wanted to share his life with someone and that I - Miss Gullible - was someone he had a good feeling about. Oh how I blushed, swooned and giggled like a fool. He told me that week 1 of our...whatever we were...thing.
When I look back now I can safely say that was a "line" and it worked. Within a few weeks we were seeing each other frequently. He even drove all the way to see me after I finished work once just to have dinner and watch a movie before driving back. I saw that as a good sign he liked me, however that turned out to be the only time he ever did that. Every other time after that I drove to see him.
Our earlier dates involved going out and doing things but within a couple of weeks we only stayed at his place and he never seemed particularly keen to take me anywhere other than his bedroom. That's when I started thinking it wasn't right.
The daily texting began fizzling out as well. I began to notice that I was texting him first rather than the other way round and his responses were few and far between - nothing like in the beginning where I would receive lengthy messages every hour or so. Deep down I knew it was a bad sign but I liked him and thought perhaps I was being paranoid.
The lack of texting continued until eventually I did not hear a peep from him for a whole week. I'd asked him outright if he was still interested, he seemed to panic and back off. By that point I was confused as hell as to what had happened. Initially it had all seemed ok but without any warning he'd gone off me. In classic "frustrated single girl" fashion I cried, went over and over what I could have done wrong until I got angry at him and myself for falling for his crap. When I calmed down I wrote him off and moved on. I was still gutted but there wasn't anything else I could do.
So there I was just getting on with shit, knowing I would never see him again. Then out of the blue he text me. It threw me. What could he possible want? I thought he didn't want anything to do with me? What the hell? Of course there was that wise and sensible voice answering all my questions at once - "He's bored and wants an easy shag". I didn't listen to that voice. Oh no, the pushover, foolish side of me ignored it and I allowed him back in and the whole bullshitting process started all over again.
However this time around his urge to impress was lacking in comparison to last time. After pestering me to see him again I was promised a home cooked roast but he ended up ordering pizza. When I was promised a meal out, we ended up on the sofa watching a film aaaaand ordering a pizza. The last time I saw him we nipped out to Tescos - lucky me! And actually bumped into his neighbours, whom he didn't introduce me to. And that was another odd thing about him. He never introduced me to his friends or even mentioned that he would. Was he ashamed of me? Was he hiding something? These questions circulated my head several times and it wasn't long before the lack of texting started all over again.
I had seen this coming even though I was hoping it wouldn't and all over again I was wondering what I had done wrong. The only assumption I could make was that he had met someone else and was distancing himself from me because he was too scared to tell me. I saw myself as just someone that had filled his time with when he was feeling randy and couldn't get it from someone else. It was a horrible realisation and I went through the rollercoaster of tears and anger for the second time.
Dating an older guy hadn't been the experience I'd anticipated. I kinda felt that he would make a lot of effort and not play the stupid blowing hot and cold games but I was wrong, which I guess means that boys will be boys no matter their age. Of course I know that not all men can be this useless, I just seem to have the unfortunate luck of attracting twats.
Let's see what happens next...
F x
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